Imperfect Blog

“Please forgive me.”

These are words I uttered over and over before I finally allowed at least part of my shame to be released.

Here was the scene … I had, had a rough day. I decided I just needed some quiet time and some caramel creams. I asked my husband if it would be alright with him if I ran to town to get the caramel creams. I went to 3 different stores, no caramel creams were to be had. I got home, frankly a little irked that I didn’t get my caramel creams. I walked in the door to find my husband relaxing on the couch in the livingroom watching tv, when I asked where the kids were, I was informed that they were upstairs watching tv in our room. Wanting to go spend a few minutes with the kiddos before their bed times, I opened the door to find our german shepherd puppy at the top of the stairs with one of my “special” markers (a set that I had literally saved up for) in his mouth on my a couple of month old carpet surrounded by ripped up toilet paper. Oh and the door shut to our room where the kids were happily watching tv. How did I react you ask, did I keep my cool and lovingly instruct my kids on why they should not ignore the dog, why my daughter should not have had my “special” markers in the first place. Oh no, I am so far from perfect. I yelled … something like “Who is supposed to be watching the dog, get that marker, get the the toilet paper, get it all cleaned up and who told you, you could use my markers and go the bathroom and get to bed.” I then took a deep breath and felt awful. No the kids weren’t right, they should have asked about the markers, they should have been paying more attention to the dog. My husband should have been paying more attention to the dog also. But I felt awful, ’cause I should not have yelled. I went in to my daughters room and instructed her about the markers, about the dog, we talked about better choices, we talked about how important it was to not let the sun go down upon our wrath and I explained that I had been angry when I saw what had happened and that it was important that we talk and get it handled. She asked for forgiveness; I asked for forgiveness. We prayed together and hugged and kissed goodnight. I still felt awful. When we are in a vulnerable spot it can be so hard not to sin, and I hate that I gave in. Thank God, that His mercy is never ending … ’cause I needed it again and I’ll need it again tomorrow.